More Karaoke!

Five more "interpretations" of some of Frank's classics. Taken from the album Out of the Frying Pan - sent out of the blue to about a hundred bemused friends and family members at some point in the late 90s.

Despite the lyrics, he had a great relationship with my mum. And with his his mother-in-law. Although in the latter case, mostly because she didn't understand the lyrics.

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Cardiff, Oh Cardiff

Come Fry With Me

(I've got fat) Under My Skin

That's Life With My Wife

Your Mother's Here To Stay

Niece from Greece

Another Cardiff City FC story. And another typical incident post-match involving my dad. These things tended to happen every week to him...

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Niece from Greece
One of our delightful young nieces, that we’d never ever met before, and was really the daughter of Teresa’s cousin Lena, came to stay with us in Cardiff while she attended college for the betterment of her squeaky speaky English.  Ismini was, fortunately for me,  a football fan, being from Thessalonika, a destination for several of St Paul’s letters of admonishment and good hope.  

Ismini, known as Minnie, was 21 years old and with a background in department stores and tavernas, her mother however, wished to turn her into an air stewardess.  Hence her presence in South Wales and her ambition to improve her basic English.

Thus it was that we wended our way to the Cardiff City Stadium one mild evening in February to cheer on our darling Bluebirds taking on the Foxes of Leicester City.  We met up with a pile of friends and made our way to the upper tier to witness the commencement of battle.  When at a live match, I use an earpiece tuned to Radio Wales in my one ear and a chatty chum, usually Martin,  in the other ear to provide commentary and fill in the fickle fortunes of a 22 man tournament.  

We howled and cheered the match away while Minnie took videos and photographs on her mobile phone, and Cardiff were victorious by two goals to nil.  A little lucky at times, but we were happy enough to win.  You must understand, although foxes can catch chickens easily enough, bluebirds are much more elusive.  We soar downwards, take a couple of pecks at those silly foxes, and off we escape back up to the sky.

With voices just about still intact, we supped on a glass of lager in the Premier Lounge in order to give our transport a little time to get to us.  There was a stadium of over 22,000 to clear so there was no rush to get away amongst the bustling crowds.  Instead we took a leisurely drink and watched the other results roll in.  


Then we strolled outdoors again, me holding onto her arm, to find Teresa for our lift home.  While walking around the car park, Minnie said suddenly,  ‘Oh look, there’s our black player!’ and started to drag me towards him.  Before I knew what hit me, Minnie asked him imploringly for ‘One Picture please’ in her most ingratiating accent, and pushed me next to him.  It must be Seyi Olifangana, our Nigerian star I thought to myself with immense satisfaction.  Fantastic.  He was so unexpectedly tall, he ducked his head down to my level in order that Minnie could get us both in the same frame.  I said to him after her mobile had brightly flashed, she’s come all the way from Greece to support Cardiff.  He acknowledge my comments with a foreign accent of his own.  He was a really great guy, very charming and polite.

Before I had a chance to thank him properly, Minnie dragged me off again to pose with another player.  ‘One picture please’ she repeated.  I didn't know who it was, but he put his hand on my shoulder at Minnie’s charming supplication and we both smiled for her camera.  As I thanked him, she dragged me off yet again and approached another cluster of players.  This time I stood back as she snapped away at their compliant smirks.

It suddenly occurred to me that no one else was autograph hunting or taking photographs of our beloved heroes.  It may have been 30 or 40 minutes after the end of the match, but surely there would have still been enough City fans around to mob the players.

That Homer Simpson moment hit me straight between the eyes!  Doh!  I turned to my niece from Greece and said, ‘Are you sure these are our players?’  for we seemed to be surrounded by not just one or two players, but the whole squad.  She stopped concentrating on her mobile phone for a moment and looked around us.  Then she laughed as she recognised one of the players.  ‘Oh no’ she replied and started to giggle, ‘there’s the Japanese substitute that came on for Leicester in the second half.  I recognise him now’.

Oh goodness!  This story must be kept top secret.  Nobody must know that I have been posing with the opposition.  Posing only?  Nay, not just posing, but smiling and cavorting with the enemy!  If Minnie ever turned out to be an unscrupulous operator, she could certainly hold me to ransom.  But fortunately, she is my niece from Greece.

27 February 2011 

Blind

Another Video Nation entry and the associated letter he sent to the BBC. The content could be thought of as dark, but the insight into my dad is illuminating. As he mentions in his letter, his friends (and family) didn't see this side of him too often.

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31 July 2000

Video Nation
Community & Disability Programmes
British Broadcasting Corporation
Room G509
White City
201 Wood Lane
London W12 7TS

Dear Chris & The Gang

re- BBC Online Proposals

Hope I find you all fit & fine and wonderful & well, and positively bursting out all over with all the joys of summer.  I am actually flying out to Corfu today, so I shall be returning in a fortnight pronouncing over and over in a bewildered daze ‘COR-bloody-FU’!*!  Yes.  Despite having been born on the island, I just can’t stand the heat!  Ouch.

Thanks for your recent letter regarding the resurrection of some of your shorts.  I’ll need bloody resurrecting when in my shorts in Cor-Phew, I can tell you!  Fine.  No objections to being screened.  Only trouble is, the one you mention, ‘Blind’, runs for well over 3 minutes, I think.

I haven’t seen the Online clip you mention, but no doubt one of my offspring will call it up for me.  I do have access to the internet at work, but usually PC screen readers clash with other sounds on the sound card.  I’ll try to get in when I get back.

If you want some accompanying text to my clip, here goes:


All people are made up of many components, just like a car.  Disability is only one small part in an immense and complex whole that goes into making up a person and his personality.

This clip shows a little part of me during a sleepless night when all the rest of creation seemed to be in their beds and I had the world to myself.  People that know me would not recognise me in this introspective mood.  They know me as jolly and affable.  Indeed, one of my closest friends, Eric, said ‘I could have watched a half hour programme because the short film revealed something about you that I was not aware of.  I would have loved to have heard you in that mood for longer’.

Blindness is a hindrance, yes.  But blindness is only one small part of me, the rest of me is entire and bursting at the seams.

Love
Spiro

I hope something of this nature will suffice.  Edit it as you wish by all means.

In a previous letter from your offices, you said that you would make arrangements to collect your camera.  However, the camera is still in my possession.  I find myself a bit of a celebrity with a reputation as a steeplejack since your several showings of my Greenhouse short.  Ha.

All the best of best wishes.  Hear from you soon.

God bless

Spiro Sueref

Limericks 47 - 57

A few more limericks courtesy of the dirty old man. Some questionable rhyming (and questionable content).

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LIMERICK 47

A sweet darling wife named Teresa

Put her husband to live in the freezer

In no more than a jiff

He became frozen stiff

And now finds it easy to please her

LIMERICK 48

A short sighted gardener named Ron

Picked some mushrooms to cook later on

But when the cooker grew hot

They crawled out of the pot

For the mushrooms were snails all along

LIMERICK 49

A jolly young fellow called Martin

Tried cutting his hair with a parting

But his line straight and wide

Made some athletes decide

To use it when races they’re starting!

LIMERICK 50

A much studied lady called Janice

Tried learning some magic in Spanish

When she shouted OLE

A bull ran away

As she made a Big Mac & chips vanish

LIMERICK 51

A fussy old bird named Vanessa

Needed rather a lot to impress her

She complained again when

She discovered Big Ben

Was a clock, not a man with a measure!

LIMERICK 52

A very fit fellow named Peter

Bought a motorised tandem, two seater

But when he got on the back

He jumped like a Jack

For he’d sat himself down on the heater

LIMERICK 53

When the Gardening Club travelled to Dorset

To spread the news and reinforce it

They had so many tries

Of increasing their size

That they all came back wearing a corset

LIMERICK 54

A lover of waltz named Irena

Desired a quick twirl in Vienna

But when Ralph checked his pocket

He soon had to block it

And revolved her from off the antenna

LIMERICK 55

A most reserved lady named Marilyn

Began to call everyone ‘darling’

When her friends thought of seeking

What started her speaking

They discovered the answer was Carling!

LIMERICK 56

A dithery damsel named Audrey

Changed her hairstyle to blown out and tawdry

But it wasn’t the salon

That made it ten-gallon

She’d walked in next door, to the laundry

LIMERICK 57

There once was an old fool called Spiro

Who decided to be a big hero

He fought through the crowd

And he swore out aloud

For the barmaid had sold out of beer-o!