I Didn't Mean It

Drunken misadventures of a visually impaired, middle-aged man. I wonder who this could have been based on?

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I DIDN’T MEAN IT!

‘I didn't mean it, love, sweet love
I really didn’t mean it!
“Two pints!” you said, Two pints I had!
Plus that dozen in between it.

I didn’t mean to drink so much
and spend our weekly shopping
But just look on the bright side, love
It saves us supermarket hopping

I didn’t mean it love, believe me
My fate was badly written
You said my shoes needed a polish
I didn't mean to use the kitten

I didn’t know that rotten kitty
Would smother all the house
Carpets, curtains, window cills
While chasing your white mouse

I didn’t mean to drop it’s cage
And make it wild and run
I thought it was the toaster
And tried to set it to Well done

I didn’t mean to tear your bra
I mistook it for two hats
Which I could use just like a net
To catch the mouse before the cat!

By slamming at me like a door
I merely tried to grab your handle
I didn’t mean to make you jump
Onto that lighted candle

I didn’t mean to start a fire
And burn down all the house
I didn’t mean to toast your books,
Your kitten and pet mouse

I didn’t mean to make you mad
You really shouldn’t be unkind
Please understand that life is hard
For anyone who’s blind

Come let us kiss and make it up
Things are never as bad as they seem
We can start all over again
And this time, live our dream

Come let me wrap you in my arms
And kiss you once again
And as your clothes are ripped to shreds
Let’s pop into my den

And then the words you spoke to me
Restored my faith in life…
“You drunken fool, that’s not your house
And I am not your wife!”


2 March 2005

A possibly unfinished poem about Cardiff, the city he lived in almost all his life.

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Cardiff Twist on District List

Our city’s area’s to name

Would be boring, and a shame

Read the list and you’ll be hissed

But add a rhyme and you’ll be fine

No need for relevance or rhythm

A rhyme in time

And all’s forgiven!

So light a lantern up in Canton

Build a plot in Splott

Find a mission in Llanishen

And boy, you’re getting hot!

Translate alpha in Gabalfa

Make an oath in Roath

Catching felons in Saint Mellons

And we’ll get medals, both.

They feed dragons in Saint Fagans

From the diner in Rhiwbina

Call staff forth from Llandaff North

And nothing could be finer!

Some Dress comely in Llanrumney

Touchy-feely out in Ely

Come from Forfar to Tremorfa

And you’ll think of smiling, really

You’ll find spare water in Fairwater

And a drake stride out of Lakeside

Reads the banner in Pontcanna

And you’ll smile again, inside!

Ride the range down towards Grangetown

Wearing socks sold down the Docks

To a dark or lit church out in Whitchurch

So let’s attend in flocks

They chew Chen gum in old Pengam

Spend unseen in Pengam Green

Madams frown in Adamsdown

If you know what I mean

Church an’ Taff, Welsh for Llandaff

Has sin cloyed those in Cyncoed?

What men work around Pentyrch?

Only those employed!

Chase a Druid in Plasnewydd

Catch a phrase to teach Cathays

Scrub the deck with, folks in Leckwith

And sail away for days

All are cute down lovely Butetown

Oh, I say it’s Cardiff Bay

Joanna Lumley prefers Rumney

But the lady loves Milk Tray

How birds grin, to stain Pentwyn

And peck organs down, in Morganstown

But no such plan in Penylan

As it’s already brown.

They take senna in Pontprennau

And blame sport throughout Danescourt

‘Do your head in’ with Llanedeyrn

That’s why they’re all so short.

No need kill, those in Thornhill

But this gain is in Lisvane

And from Cowbridge down to Trowbridge

Falls the rain in Spain

Winds yon windlass in Tongwynlais

To hoist the wan in Cefn-on

Sparkling teeth enlighten Heath

Until they’re all but gone.

The Enquirer hides in Caerau

While shivers ride in Riverside

But turn insane by Pentrebane

To wander far and wide.

Change of name be, done in Maindy

But can’t fill a bladder now in Radyr

Who trod a path in Gwaelod-y-Garth?

The one who stole the ladder!

Come on down to Crockertown

And enter our town centre

Cycles gone in Michaelstone

And so they lack a mentor.

Press the Hash Key in Mynachdy

To end and count the clock out

To go ten rounds, the castle grounds

Most surely is a knock-out!

MORE AREAS BELOW POSSIBLY

SO MAY INCLUDE AFTER FINDING OUT.

Hurry orf Atlantic Wharf

Then check mate on Cardiff Gate

…

15 July 2012

now off to Oscar’s Christening