I Didn't Mean It

Drunken misadventures of a visually impaired, middle-aged man. I wonder who this could have been based on?

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I DIDN’T MEAN IT!

‘I didn't mean it, love, sweet love
I really didn’t mean it!
“Two pints!” you said, Two pints I had!
Plus that dozen in between it.

I didn’t mean to drink so much
and spend our weekly shopping
But just look on the bright side, love
It saves us supermarket hopping

I didn’t mean it love, believe me
My fate was badly written
You said my shoes needed a polish
I didn't mean to use the kitten

I didn’t know that rotten kitty
Would smother all the house
Carpets, curtains, window cills
While chasing your white mouse

I didn’t mean to drop it’s cage
And make it wild and run
I thought it was the toaster
And tried to set it to Well done

I didn’t mean to tear your bra
I mistook it for two hats
Which I could use just like a net
To catch the mouse before the cat!

By slamming at me like a door
I merely tried to grab your handle
I didn’t mean to make you jump
Onto that lighted candle

I didn’t mean to start a fire
And burn down all the house
I didn’t mean to toast your books,
Your kitten and pet mouse

I didn’t mean to make you mad
You really shouldn’t be unkind
Please understand that life is hard
For anyone who’s blind

Come let us kiss and make it up
Things are never as bad as they seem
We can start all over again
And this time, live our dream

Come let me wrap you in my arms
And kiss you once again
And as your clothes are ripped to shreds
Let’s pop into my den

And then the words you spoke to me
Restored my faith in life…
“You drunken fool, that’s not your house
And I am not your wife!”


2 March 2005