After a week of friends and family getting married, this poem seems appropriate...
Yes Dear
The wisest words I ever heard
Came from an old man I once knew
He said, ‘I’ve been married fifty
years
I’ll pass my secret on to you!’
‘You’ll always see me in this club
Taking my two pints every night
Without a worry in the world
Unburdened by domestic fights
It’s with the blessing of my wife
I leave my home come evening tide
And with a kiss upon her cheek
She smiles, content and satisfied
The reason for my quiet life
And let me whisper in your ear
Take heed now you’re a married man
And always say to her, “Yes dear!”
It doesn’t matter what she says
Though nagging, gossiping or baying
Just interject occasionally
“Yes dear!” is all needs saying.
“Yes dear” is the panacea
You don’t even need to pay attention
When she says ‘Are you listening?’
“Yes dear!” avoids contention.
Be wise my boy and harken well
Avoid the tantrums, tiffs and tears
Anything she says to you
“Yes dear, yes dear, yes dear, yes
dear!”
Does she want to buy a hat
“Yes dear” is all you have to say
‘Potatoes have gone up ten pence’
“Yes dear” for ever and a day
I’m passing on my experience
To you, my fellow member
If she tells you that you’re drunk
Just say “yes dear”, remember!’
But I was young and reckless then
And did not heed the old man’s
warning
I battled every argument
From dawn to night to morning.
How foolish was I, how naïve?!
To think common sense and logic
Could make the slightest difference
To a tongue that’s automatic!
How many years I’ve wasted
Seeing justice was applied to
But even being right was wrong
Cos other rights were then denied you!
I had absolutely no idea
Of a wife’s capacity to talk
Their words just issue like a flood
And “yes dear” became my Noah’s
Ark.
They wear you down, year by year
No indication in their youth
That they could talk incessantly
So “Yes dear” became my lie, my
truth!
It wasn’t Joshua’s fife’s and
drums
That caused Jericho to fall
It was prattling women’s tongues
That banged and battered down the walls
Words do not need philosophy
When they bound from boundless vaults
That’s when she plays the woman’s
trick
To accuse you of her faults
So,not only were you wrong in the first
place
Her words have sliced your mind in half
But any wrong she confesses to
She admits on your behalf
You’re reduced to a blithering idiot
Thinking can not be thunk straight
Your brain becomes a blender’s bowl
Mixed up and mashed upon her plate!
So listen all young married men
Stay energetic and alive
Take the advice of this old fool
Who managed barely to survive
Before she makes mince meat of your
mind
Please heed these words you hear
If you want a quiet life
Switch off and say “Yes dear!”
4 March 2009 (01:42)
