After a week of friends and family getting married, this poem seems appropriate...

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Yes Dear

The wisest words I ever heard

Came from an old man I once knew

He said, ‘I’ve been married fifty years

I’ll pass my secret on to you!’

‘You’ll always see me in this club

Taking my two pints every night

Without a worry in the world

Unburdened by domestic fights

It’s with the blessing of my wife

I leave my home come evening tide

And with a kiss upon her cheek

She smiles, content and satisfied

The reason for my quiet life

And let me whisper in your ear

Take heed now you’re a married man

And always say to her, “Yes dear!”

It doesn’t matter what she says

Though nagging, gossiping or baying

Just interject occasionally

“Yes dear!” is all needs saying.

“Yes dear” is the panacea

You don’t even need to pay attention

When she says ‘Are you listening?’

“Yes dear!” avoids contention.

Be wise my boy and harken well

Avoid the tantrums, tiffs and tears

Anything she says to you

“Yes dear, yes dear, yes dear, yes dear!”

Does she want to buy a hat

“Yes dear” is all you have to say

‘Potatoes have gone up ten pence’

“Yes dear” for ever and a day

I’m passing on my experience

To you, my fellow member

If she tells you that you’re drunk

Just say “yes dear”, remember!’

But I was young and reckless then

And did not heed the old man’s warning

I battled every argument

From dawn to night to morning.

How foolish was I, how naïve?!

To think common sense and logic

Could make the slightest difference

To a tongue that’s automatic!

How many years I’ve wasted

Seeing justice was applied to

But even being right was wrong

Cos other rights were then denied you!

I had absolutely no idea

Of a wife’s capacity to talk

Their words just issue like a flood

And “yes dear” became my Noah’s Ark.

They wear you down, year by year

No indication in their youth

That they could talk incessantly

So “Yes dear” became my lie, my truth!

It wasn’t Joshua’s fife’s and drums

That caused Jericho to fall

It was prattling women’s tongues

That banged and battered down the walls

Words do not need philosophy

When they bound from boundless vaults

That’s when she plays the woman’s trick

To accuse you of her faults

So,not only were you wrong in the first place

Her words have sliced your mind in half

But any wrong she confesses to

She admits on your behalf

You’re reduced to a blithering idiot

Thinking can not be thunk straight

Your brain becomes a blender’s bowl

Mixed up and mashed upon her plate!

So listen all young married men

Stay energetic and alive

Take the advice of this old fool

Who managed barely to survive

Before she makes mince meat of your mind

Please heed these words you hear

If you want a quiet life

Switch off and say “Yes dear!”

4 March 2009 (01:42)